I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Betty ford says i'm here all night
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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