I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
