I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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