my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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