Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Someone shattered a urinal.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
