There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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