Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize