He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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