i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
