I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
