you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
