So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
