So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize