my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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