i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
