Im at strip club and am horny
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
