That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
