I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
