But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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