During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
