All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
