respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Randomize
