I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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