I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
