having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
