when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I wish there were birth control emojis
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
