Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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