dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
