kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
