I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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