i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
