I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
