That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Panties = found
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