End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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