Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
