bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
