i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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