My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize