just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
