I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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