the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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