ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
