and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Acid is not a monday night drug
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Couch. On fire.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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