Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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