im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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