You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
