I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
