The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
