obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
