how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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