Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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