"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
