Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
the room spins SO much faster in panama
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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