he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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