somebody snuck up and got me drunk
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i love accidental penises.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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