Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
