Buhtt sex?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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