She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
