I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
