I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
