Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
