well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
