I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
